Sydney & Denny

Sydney & Denny
September at the Park

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Being Humbled

So today was kind of a rough day. I didn't feel the best in regards to my health issues and it had more to do with others health than my own. The last few days it's been hard to get any sleep. Both of my kids have been sick with Hand Foot and Mouth syndrome. It's made me feel horrible. I feel horrible because I've always thought that was an illness kids got when their surroundings were not kept clean(I don't actually know if that's the case, but once I get a thought in my head, it's there probably forever.) Well, it has kept both of my kids from sleeping soundly due to sores in their mouths, especially my son. He wakes up just about every hour crying due to the pain in his mouth, so I get up with him so my wife who has to work every day can get some sleep. So, my sleep is all messed up, I feel guilty because my kids have this(and just to set the record straight, our house is far from dirty to the point of making my kids sick, but I still feel like it's my fault somehow.) This stress has caused me to have what I refer to as a flare up of my illness, making me hurt, tired to the point of delirium, and I guess a little cranky. But that's not why I'm up tonight.
Yes, my son is having his issues tonight, so I'm up with him because of that. His sister seems to be a day ahead of him in this illness crap and she was pretty much fine today so here's hoping the boy will be fine tomorrow. But what's making me have a hard time sleeping tonight is something new. 
I got a phone call from my mom today informing me that my dad has bladder cancer! I know, it's a shock huh? Well, it's really got my mind racing and if you know me, you know I already have an issue with thinking too much. My mind is going places tonight I definitely don't want it to go. I'm having thoughts that I never dreamed I'd have. You see, my dad is Superman! He's had his own health issues the last few years, and he's not the same man he was when I was growing up in reality. However, in my minds eye, I will always see him as the guy who could save me from anything that scared me. My dad and I don't have the closest of relationships for whatever reason, but I've always looked up to him for so many reasons, and while bladder cancer isn't a death sentence, just the thought that it could be is enough to make me think things I don't want to think. And yes, I put up a good front that I'm not worried, and that I know he will be fine, but...

I realize how lucky I am. I've had both of my parents alive, married to each other, and close by for my entire life. While I don't think this is the end for him, just the mere thought of my dad not being there makes me shudder. I don't know if I'm the world's greatest dad, or even an average dad, but I know that I would be a lot worse at the job if my dad wasn't around. Like I said, I've always seen him as Superman, and I've always aspired to be just that for my kids, and it's hard to think of a world without him. So, that is why I am asking anyone who might happen to read my blog here to send prayers to my dad. He's strong, but even Superman needs help every now and then. The thing is, I don't know if I'm strong enough to live in a world without him.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a great night/day.  

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