Sydney & Denny

Sydney & Denny
September at the Park

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Being Humbled

So today was kind of a rough day. I didn't feel the best in regards to my health issues and it had more to do with others health than my own. The last few days it's been hard to get any sleep. Both of my kids have been sick with Hand Foot and Mouth syndrome. It's made me feel horrible. I feel horrible because I've always thought that was an illness kids got when their surroundings were not kept clean(I don't actually know if that's the case, but once I get a thought in my head, it's there probably forever.) Well, it has kept both of my kids from sleeping soundly due to sores in their mouths, especially my son. He wakes up just about every hour crying due to the pain in his mouth, so I get up with him so my wife who has to work every day can get some sleep. So, my sleep is all messed up, I feel guilty because my kids have this(and just to set the record straight, our house is far from dirty to the point of making my kids sick, but I still feel like it's my fault somehow.) This stress has caused me to have what I refer to as a flare up of my illness, making me hurt, tired to the point of delirium, and I guess a little cranky. But that's not why I'm up tonight.
Yes, my son is having his issues tonight, so I'm up with him because of that. His sister seems to be a day ahead of him in this illness crap and she was pretty much fine today so here's hoping the boy will be fine tomorrow. But what's making me have a hard time sleeping tonight is something new. 
I got a phone call from my mom today informing me that my dad has bladder cancer! I know, it's a shock huh? Well, it's really got my mind racing and if you know me, you know I already have an issue with thinking too much. My mind is going places tonight I definitely don't want it to go. I'm having thoughts that I never dreamed I'd have. You see, my dad is Superman! He's had his own health issues the last few years, and he's not the same man he was when I was growing up in reality. However, in my minds eye, I will always see him as the guy who could save me from anything that scared me. My dad and I don't have the closest of relationships for whatever reason, but I've always looked up to him for so many reasons, and while bladder cancer isn't a death sentence, just the thought that it could be is enough to make me think things I don't want to think. And yes, I put up a good front that I'm not worried, and that I know he will be fine, but...

I realize how lucky I am. I've had both of my parents alive, married to each other, and close by for my entire life. While I don't think this is the end for him, just the mere thought of my dad not being there makes me shudder. I don't know if I'm the world's greatest dad, or even an average dad, but I know that I would be a lot worse at the job if my dad wasn't around. Like I said, I've always seen him as Superman, and I've always aspired to be just that for my kids, and it's hard to think of a world without him. So, that is why I am asking anyone who might happen to read my blog here to send prayers to my dad. He's strong, but even Superman needs help every now and then. The thing is, I don't know if I'm strong enough to live in a world without him.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a great night/day.  

Monday, August 22, 2011

The Return!

So, it has been almost three months since I've posted on my blog here in blog world, and I'm sure all of you have been waiting on pins and needles for my return.  I'm sure you are all wondering why I just stopped posting my amazingly brilliant blogs and my disappearance has saddened you all. Well, maybe nobody has been saddened by it, but I'll bet someone has been a little curious at least.  Well, I've got a fairly serious condition going on that is keeping me from blogging like I used to. I first mentioned being in pain here on my blog on November 15 of last year. I have gone to my family doctor about this condition, and he kind of pooh-pooed it and kept me on the pain meds that I was already on for my shoulder arthritis. Well, that didn't help at all. I happened to run into a friend of mine from high school who also had developed an auto-immune condition, and she recommended I see her doctor. Now, while I trust my family doc, he wasn't doing anything for me in terms of diagnosing the problem I had. He kept telling me that my blood work was normal so he couldn't treat me for anything even if I showed all the symptoms. Frustrating!

I was able to get into my friend's doctor, and it has changed things for the better for me. This doctor specializes in cases like mine and was able to diagnose me with Auto-immune Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. Let me tell you, they both suck. These two illnesses combined are what has been keeping me from blogging like I would like. The thing is, it's not even the pain that stops me. It's the fatigue! A symptom of both conditions is extreme fatigue. I get so darn tired it's hard to function sometimes. There are days when I wake up in the morning that I'm not sure my legs are going to be able to hold me up. I usually did all of my blogging at night after the family had went to bed. Now, I'm so tired from being a SAHD(and we all know how tiring that can be) on top of the fatigue from my condition(s) that I absolutely have to go to bed at an early hour. So, that's why the blogging has fallen off. Plus, I don't want to put out a bunch of blogs that are basically me complaining about my condition. You don't want to hear that I'm sure. Plus, I'm tired of telling everyone about it.

I'm trying to figure that out myself. I am in the process of getting a disability claim started, but the most important question involves this blog. Am I going to to be able to blog on a daily(or semi-regularly) basis? I know that I want to, but I'm not going to make any promises to you, or to myself. I have good days and bad days with this condition and I know I won't be able to write on the bad days, and sometimes not on the good days. Today has been a decent day but just writing this much has hurt my hands and arms, as well as tiring me right out. So don't get your hopes up that I'm going to be super blogger(not that I ever was) and put out funny, insightful, thought provoking blogs all the time. You will have to take what you can get and like it! I hope you do enjoy reading what I do write, and it's good to kind of be back!