Sydney & Denny

Sydney & Denny
September at the Park

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Parenting: I've got no clue!

I've almost given up!
Recently my kids have come down with a condition. At first I didn't think that there was a name for it, but after watching "Bill Cosby: Himself" I now know the name of this condition. It's called Brain Damage!!! Yes, both of my kids have it. It's especially bad in my son. How do I know they have brain damage? Well, because I had it as a child, so I am able to recognize the symptoms in my kids. What I thought was "normal" behavior when I was a child, I now see as an adult is only the result of brain damage.
I used to think(again, when I was a child) that the answer to "Why did you do that???" was always "I don't know." I literally would not know why I did whatever brain damaged act that I had done. Now, I see it ripe in my children. My son is only 2, and doesn't talk the greatest yet(we are working on it, get off my back already!) but he is VERY smart. So, when he does the SAME DAMN THING HE GOT INTO TROUBLE FOR YESTERDAY, you would think that he would realize that he shouldn't do it again. But, nooooo. He continues to do the same thing every day.  For example, when you as a two year old get your behind swatted(I said swatted, not spanked, so don't report me to CPS) and put in timeout for a half-hour for climbing up on and sitting on your dresser, you would think that it's best to not do it again the next day. Now I know I did the same crap as a kid and I didn't see the big deal. I could climb up there and get down without any problems at all, so why all the fuss? I'm sure he thinks the same thing. Now as an adult(and more importantly a parent) I see the inherent dangers in climbing on a dresser. I can just see him climbing up it and it falling over on him. Or, I can see him jumping off from it and breaking his leg(s.) I could go on, but I prefer not to think about the harm that could come to my son. So, my point is, after being punished for it one day, why would you do it again the next day? I'll tell you why: BRAIN DAMAGE!
It's all about the juice!
On top of that, sometimes my son and I are just too much alike. I am pretty bull-headed, or so I've been told anyway. I refuse to accept no for an answer at times. Apparently my son is the same way. On occasion we have let him take a sippycup of juice or water to bed and keep it beside his bed at night. I often do the same thing, only with a glass of water, not a sippycup! I understand that he gets thirsty at night, and it's easier if the drink is right there. I get it. But, when you put the cup in bed with you and spill it all over yourself and the bed, you have to realize that you're probably not going to be allowed to have that drink anymore. So, last night we said no juice in bed as we tucked the kids in about 9pm. For the next two hours all we heard from upstairs was him screaming at the top of his lungs for some juice. I even went up there and let him get a drink of water from the bathroom. He just spit it out! Stubborn little shit! So, finally my wife and I gave in and gave him some darn juice. He was asleep in about five minutes. The worst thing is, as I stood on our steps while he screamed at the top, I noticed something. I REALLY need to vacuum our steps! 
So my point tonight is this: I have no clue how to parent! When you're dealing with two children as brain damaged as mine, you can't use logic. It just doesn't work. They are too brain damaged. And the worst part of it? They got it from me!
 As for my daughter's brain damage?
Well, I've gone on long enough explaining how brain damaged my son is that I'll wait until tomorrow to explain the brain damage that my daughter has suffered. 
Make no mistake, I am not complaining about either of my children here. It's the brain damage that makes things fun around here. It's a challenge I face every day and can't wait to see what kind of brain damaged stuff happens tomorrow. 
As a side note, I in no way intend to make light of anyone who has suffered actual brain damage. The "brain damage" I'm referring to is just my way of talking about typical child misbehavior. I REALLY hope that I have not offended anyone.


  1. He spit it back up...HAHAHAHAHA!! Probably not funny at the time but that's hysterical!

    And anyone who got offended by this post, well, that'd be sad...

    We've all been there.

  2. For being "brain damaged", your kids seem pretty smart in the way that they manipulate you. I never want to read again, on your Site, that you gave you son juice after he was screaming at you. I get tons of pleasure in hearing my kids scream theirselves to sleep. I often think that they sleep better after a nice crying fit. I know that I do!
    Listen, if CPS comes looking for you for swating, I'm sure I'll get the chair for my, um, "swating".
    Now stop letting them push you around. Man-up!
    Your Friend, m.

  3. ChopperPapa, when I think about it now, it is quite funny. He does so many things that are so funny, but I can't laugh at the moment, because they are things he probably shouldn't be doing! He's a trip!
    Mark, thank you and YES SIR! You are right, but I have a hard time. We give in sometimes because he/they make so much noise and we live in a townhouse complex that people can hear if the noise is loud enough. More than once I've had people bang on the walls when one of my kids is crying out of control. I just don't want my kids to affect someone elses life.