THE SECRET OF MY SUCCESS!

I MEAN THE LACK OF SUCCESS! 
I've went on and on here in my blog about my lack of professional success in life, and it's a "woe is me" type of thing. Well, that is not the tone of this post at all. Lately, I've gotten very introspective about my life and what I've actually accomplished(or have not accomplished that is.) I'm really trying to figure out why it is that I've fallen short of my goals in life. And, the thing is, I see this as a teaching opportunity. If I can figure all of this out, make a change in my life, it will show my kids that if you decide to put your mind to something, you can accomplish it. I feel like I have no legs to stand on when I tell them that now, and that if I don't figure this out, I won't have any legs to stand on when I tell them that in the future as they get older.
OPPORTUNITIES LOST.
So many times in my life I've had the opportunity to do what I've always dreamed of doing. As far back as junior high, I've known that I want to teach and coach. I feel in my very soul that I'm meant to do those things. I've been in and out of college in the twenty years since graduating high school, and let every single opportunity go by the wayside. WHY??? That's the question I keep asking myself, and I have no answer for. I've always been told that I'm a very intelligent person, I even tested at genius level once on an IQ test. So, it seems like I'm more than smart enough to finish a Bachelor's Degree. So, there must be something else. I can sit here and make all sorts of excuses for myself such as getting sick during my first semester of college as an 18 year old, continuing to be in poor health as a young adult, and now being sick with my current ailments. BUT, they are all just excuses. So many people in the world have overcome WAY more than what I've had to deal with. So, there must be something else! What I keep asking myself now is, what is it that makes one person able to put everything else aside and accomplish their goals in life, while I sit here wishing I had? Why is that my buddy is living the exact life I have always dreamed of living? He is a football and baseball coach at a good high school, he has a beautiful family, a nice house and car. He is happy. Why was he able to do all that, and I haven't been able to? Now, that's not to say that I'm not happy, because I definitely am, but I want so much more. The fact is, I am going to be without an income in the next couple of months, and I'm not in a position to just go out and get a job that pays any kind of decent wage. For a person without a college degree right now about the only jobs out there are what I left 14 months ago. Stocking shelves, heavy physical labor. Well, as I've told all of you MANY times over, I'm unable to do that anymore. The job(career) I want requires a college education, and I don't have one.

ONCE AGAIN, A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE!
So here I sit trying to figure this all out. I messed up and let the college loans I took out years ago slip into default status. Well, I can't afford to just pay for the classes I need to finish my degree out of my pocket. I also am unable to receive any financial aid to attend college due to my defaulted student loans. On top of that, I am unable to afford to make the nine monthly payments that I need to make in order to get those loans out of default. So what do I do? I really don't even know, and that's the problem. What did I miss in life that made me the person who makes excuses rather than getting things done? Is is something in my DNA, or something NOT in my DNA? Why didn't I realize a long time ago that I NEEDED to get that degree? Why is it that so many other people realize what they need to do in order to reach their goal, do those things, and accomplish what they wanted, yet I don't?

NEED YOUR HELP!
So, I've always heard that the first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have the problem. Well, I know I have this problem, and now I am asking you for help. How do I fix this situation before it gets worse, and more importantly, before my kids slip into the same pattern??? I want my kids to see that if you pull yourself up, you can make it all the way back. I just don't know how to do that. Any thoughts? Please!      

A SECOND CHANCE???

MY LIFE PLAN!
Well, I think it's fair to say that at some point, all of our lives have gone a different direction than we had planned. I'm no different than anyone else in that regard. When I was a young man, let's say high school age, I had my whole life planned out. I had become somewhat realistic and accepted the fact that I wasn't going to a huge college to play any sports. Bummer, but at least I knew it wasn't the case. So, I decided that I wanted to go to college somewhere near home, get my teaching degree, find a job teaching high school and coaching one of my favorite sports. I'd meet some beautiful girl who would fall head-over-heels in love with me, we would have a family and live the old cliche' happily ever after.
Well, let's just say, that didn't happen! I won't go into great detail over where and how things veered off course in my plan(I've done that way too many times as it is.) I do want to tell you of some sort of "condition" I think I may have. I say "condition" because I don't know if it's something that other people may experience, or if I'm just the freak that I've always suspected myself of being!

THE NEXT TIME AROUND.
I've always had this feeling in the back of my mind, or my soul, or my heart, or somewhere I'm not aware of, that even though I've made mistakes in life(and I mean A LOT of mistakes) I'll get it right the next time I go through life. I know: unhealthy!
Now I don't know if anyone else does this, of if they do, there is a name for it, but I think I've let it hold myself back in life. I haven't accomplished nearly anything in life that I have always wanted to, and I think this "condition" is the reason why! Okay, I'm tired of calling this a "condition", so I'm going to give it a name. How about something like "lazyafraidofsuccessprocrastinatingdufussness?" Okay, that's probably too long so maybe something like "lupus." No, that's taken. Maybe, "DennisSyndrome" I LIKE THAT!!! I'll name this, we will call it a phenomenon, "DennisSyndrome!" 

ANYONE ELSE???
So, does anyone else in the world feel as though when they get a second chance, a reset button maybe, that they will get it all right? I can't be the only one who stands in the shower thinking about all the times I've screwed up in life and that I'll do it all right the next time right? Somebody else out there has to have let themselves down and justify it to themselves that they won't do it again when they go through life the next time right? I'm not alone in my ability to fool myself right?

BUT WAIT!
Something just occurred to me. I HAVE accomplished something in life besides having the most beautiful wife and kids imaginable! I have an entire phenomenon named after me!!! That's right "DennisSyndrome" is a real thing, and it afflicts millions of people around the world who don't "seize the day." On top of that, I have a cure for this phenomenon! It's called "Getoffyourassanddostuff." It's in large quantity in all of us, we just have to find a way to release it. I think I'll start a public service announcement!  

HEALTH INSURANCE

WHAT'S THE POINT REALLY?
So, I have this problem, and I've told you all about it many times. My health sucks, and in case you haven't read my accounts of it, here you go. On top of the RA, and the Fibromyalgia, I now have some sort of issue causing me esophageal issues that I have to take yet another pill for. And, on top of that, I'm undergoing tests to determine if I'm diabetic! So yeah, I have health issues to deal with. But, that's not the point of this blog post/rant. What I really want to talk about is my health insurance!

I'M SURE I'M NOT ALONE!
Every two weeks my wife receives a paycheck from her employer, and every two weeks they take out health insurance premiums. I'm not going to go into specifics of what we pay, but it's not terribly cheap, and it's not outrageously expensive either. But, she does pay it, and in return shouldn't we expect to receive health care coverage? Yeah, that's not too much to expect is it? Well, that's not what I am receiving at this point. And, I'm sure if you went around this great nation of ours, mine would not be the only case like this. 
How am I not receiving health insurance benefits you might ask? Well, let me tell you about one instance in particular. Bear with me, this might take a couple paragraphs. About a month ago, my wife had the day off, I think it was a Tuesday. I woke up in my typical amount of pain, stiffness and fatigue. It's a regular thing for me anymore, and I'm starting to get used to it. However, as the morning progressed, I started to feel a pain in my abdomen that is not my "usual" pain. I can only describe it as feeling as though a ninja had taken his sword and attempted to cut me in half at my belly button! Yeah, it hurt like that. I laid on the couch writhing in pain, knowing that I have had instances of this a handful of times in the last couple of years. What usually happens is I show up at the ER, they get my vitals, set me up in a room, give me pain meds(usually pretty powerful stuff like dilaudid,) make me drink some contrast so I can have a CT scan of my abdomen, get the results and tell me everything looks clear, and are unsure what is causing me so much pain. So, basically nothing gets done other than I get pain medication. Well, this last time was a little different, a doctor actually took the time to listen to what was bothering me and was able to hopefully solve the problem. She figured out from listening to me that it isn't in my bowels(from which I had my entire large intestine removed due to Ulcerative Colitis.) It is more of an esophageal issue and she prescribed me Prilosec. At last, a solution!
Of course, here is where my current rant comes from. Last week we received in the mail the typical explanation of benefits from our insurance company, BC/BS, telling me that none of my ER stay was covered by them due to "Diagnosis is Pre-Esisting." Let's just say WHAT THE HELL???
IT'S JUST TOO MUCH ANYMORE!!!
This explanation of "benefits" by BC/BS is just the last straw for me. I am unable to work at this point due to my health, and I'm lucky enough to still be drawing unemployment for a couple of more weeks, and believe me I'm totally grateful for that, but it's not enough for our family to get by. My wife works and earns what would today be called a decent wage, but again it's not enough. We never have enough money to pay all of our bills on time, but we manage our finances so that nothing is too late. Where the problem arises is my medical bill. I see a family doctor, a rheumatologist, and of course my ER visits. On top of that, they all want blood work done, so I have to go to a lab. Well, all of those doctors and labs charge money every time I go there, and they bill my insurance. My insurance doesn't cover all of any of those visits, leaving me with an unpaid balance to all of those parties. Well, I make payments to all of them, as little as $10 per month, but it's gotten to be too much. I had to change family doctors because the one I was seeing said my balance was too high and my payments too low, and they refused to see me. Now with the insurance company refusing to pay for a NEEDED ER visit, which was only $6,549.25! I have no way of paying that, so what am I going to do? No, I'm really asking you, what am I going to do??? It's getting to a point where no one is going to see me because I can't pay for my medical bills, yet I can't get a good paying job to take care of the medical bills due to a serious medical situation! So, this is exactly what "a rock and a hard place" feels like!!! What's the point of my wife having insurance premiums taken from her check if that insurance company isn't going to pay any of my medical bills??? It just seems really unfair that this insurance company is looking for a reason to not pay out on something like this. So, from now on when I have intense pain that makes it feel as though my insides are going to burst out of my body, I'll just stay home and suffer. I guess that's where we are headed in this country. The phrase "I can't afford to be sick"
Does anybody out there in the blog world have any ideas on how to fix this predicament? If so, I'd love to hear them please!!!

ONE LAST QUESTION FOR YOU.
What is it about bacon that after you make it on a Sunday morning, you can still smell nothing but bacon in your house on Monday afternoon??? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE bacon, but at this point, the smell is starting to make me a little sick to my stomach!

5 Going on 18!

TYPICAL YOUNG LADY!
Okay, I have a problem that I could use your help with. I have a daughter! Yep, that's the issue I have. I fathered a female, that's the big problem. Now, don't get me wrong or anything, I love having a daughter. She's the love of my life, along with her brother and mother, and I guess our dog. However, she absolutely has me wrapped around at least one, if not all, of her fingers. She is the epitome of a spoiled Daddy's girl. Of course, this is where the "real" problem arises. She has developed a bit of what most people would call an "ATTITUDE." 

Couldn't she just be a model?

  YEAH, I'M IN BIG TROUBLE!
So, here's where the attitude becomes a problem. She likes, and thinks it's okay, to tell me no. I'm not talking about if I ask if she wants onion rings instead of fries. I'm talking about the times when I tell her that it's time to go upstairs and brush her teeth for bed. That's right, she will tell me no to that. That is after she has ignored my first, and probably second, request to do said task. Then when I get upset and tell her in no uncertain terms that she HAS to get up from what she's doing and go upstairs to brush her teeth, she will use that teenage sarcastic tone, "I'm going!!!" Yep, attitude. 
So, I have a couple of choices at this point. I can yell and holler and threaten bodily harm. Of course, she knows that with all my health issues, she could probably kick MY ass at this point. And, I don't really want to have to hold the threat of violence over my kids. 
Or, I can go the route of taking things from her if she doesn't stop with the attitude. That's usually the way I go. Ever since she was about two years old she has had this stuffed dog that she named "Bean" for some reason.(Yes, my great-aunt told her at my grandfather's funeral service that it's a stupid name for a dog, hurting her feelings and pissing me right off, but it's the name she chose!) Well, I've resorted to taking Bean from her on occasion and that just devastates her now. But, what am I going to do in a few years? What am I going to do when a stuffed dog is NOT one of the most important items in the world to her? What am I going to take from her in the future, and what am I going to do when she realizes that a day or two without some item isn't that big of a deal? What am I going to do then???
I'm actually asking you!

THE TEENAGE YEARS!
So, I was a pretty easy to handle teenager(you know I'm right Mom.) I basically didn't get into trouble, and I always respected my parents. It was all about sports for me. I went to school so I could play sports. Is there anyway I could get that lucky as a parent? I doubt it because she's a girl. And, if she's anything like her mom, I'm in huge trouble. Yes, my wife was(is) boy crazy. I'm just worried that this attitude that Sydney has going on now, is going to carry over to the teenage years when she herself is boy crazy. I'm going to have a huge problem then because even though I was a good kid, I know what boys that age are like! So, am I just crazy(probably) thinking like this? Is it stupid to worry that attitude at age five is going to carry over to her teens? I know that I'm a worrier, but I'm stressing that I'm not doing a very good job now and it's going to lead to problems when she's older. 

PLEASE HELP!!!

HEALTH UPDATE!
It's not any better than it was at the time of my last post. In fact, it's gotten worse. I can't walk much at this point, and had to miss the wedding of one of my oldest/best friend. It really bothered me to miss his wedding due to my health and I'm getting really sick of having to worry about my health!
I hope all is well with you, and that you have some great ideas for how much I should worry about my little girl's attitude.  
  

FLYING KARATE KICKS!!!

LIKE BRUCE LEE WITH SOUND EFFECTS!
Okay, I'm sure most of you who have more than one kid will know, at least somewhat, about what I'm about to tell you. Every morning during the school week we have to get up to get Sydney off to school, and that alarm clock always seems to come way too early.  Of course, my 3 year old son Denny, always seems to beat the alarm by at least a half hour, causing his mother and I to yell and holler at him before we are even out of bed. But, the alarm does come and signal the start of yet another day. 
How that day goes is usually decided in the next thirty minutes after that dreaded alarm goes off. I say that because Sydney is NOT a morning person and my wife usually has to dress her for school while she's still in bed because apparently her body just won't work before 8am. Why the first half hour decides the day though is usually decided by Denny. If he is in his havoc wreaking mood(usually) it could lead to lots of stress for this Stay at home Dad. For example this morning: After we managed to get downstairs and get food into both their bellies, the kids were in the living room. Sydney was at her morning zombie best, and Denny was at his trouble making best. I was trying to read the paper online when I hear, "Don't hit me Denny!!!" I then hear Sydney land the first blow, a smack to his back. At this point, I know what's coming next is not going to be good. As I turn and look at the morning activities, I see my son perform a flying karate kick and yell "HIIYAAA" at the top of his lungs. Of course, it was just the first in a series of flying kicks that he executed, landing only one or two on his sisters leg. 

JUST TOO FUNNY!
It's really hard to dole out discipline when the scene you witness is just too funny at first glance. Forget about the fact that he was trying to cause bodily harm to his sister, the way he was spinning while kicking and yelling out his battle cry was just too much for me. I had to stifle a laugh while maintaining the role of disciplinarian and yell out that in no uncertain terms do we not hand out flying karate kicks at our sister. I managed to contain my laugh and get the situation under control before any ER visits were needed, but the scene will stick with me for a long time. It was that funny.  My wife was upstairs getting ready for her work day during the morning fisticuffs and when she came downstairs to receive her morning situational report, she said she could hear my laugh/yell all the way upstairs. It really is hard to be a tough guy when the kid is as funny as Denny has been lately.


TIP OF THE ICEBERG!
The scene I just described to you is really just another example of how my little boy has been lately. He has really gotten into the superhero type of stuff, and I think that's great. Especially since it hasn't been uncommon to see him putting on a dress and carrying a purse with his big sister and the little girl I watch after school. So, him thinking he's Spiderman is actually a good thing in my eyes. The only problem is, and you have to picture this in your mind, he REALLY thinks he's Spiderman at times, and will run headlong into a wall and attempt to stick to and climb said wall! Yeah, it's like that!

HEALTH UPDATE!
Just to give all of my loyal concerned readers an update, I have been somewhat diagnosed with two more ailments that are not fun. In addition to the Fibromyalgia and Auto-immune Arthritis that I have, I spent this past Tuesday in the ER and was told I have a severe Gastrointestinal issue that I have to take yet another two pills each day for. On top of all that, I received a call from my Rheumatologist who said my most recent blood work showed that I have high blood sugar. Now, I have to change my entire diet/lifestyle in order to keep that in check. So, health wise, this hasn't been the greatest twelve months of my life, but it could be a lot worse. I'm going to make it, and I'm going to get to the goals I set for myself A LONG TIME AGO!
Hope you have a great weekend, and did anyone notice that my Detroit Lions are actually good and that my Detroit Tigers won their division??? What a time to be a fan of Detroit professional sports! 

Being Humbled

A SAHD'S DAD!
So today was kind of a rough day. I didn't feel the best in regards to my health issues and it had more to do with others health than my own. The last few days it's been hard to get any sleep. Both of my kids have been sick with Hand Foot and Mouth syndrome. It's made me feel horrible. I feel horrible because I've always thought that was an illness kids got when their surroundings were not kept clean(I don't actually know if that's the case, but once I get a thought in my head, it's there probably forever.) Well, it has kept both of my kids from sleeping soundly due to sores in their mouths, especially my son. He wakes up just about every hour crying due to the pain in his mouth, so I get up with him so my wife who has to work every day can get some sleep. So, my sleep is all messed up, I feel guilty because my kids have this(and just to set the record straight, our house is far from dirty to the point of making my kids sick, but I still feel like it's my fault somehow.) This stress has caused me to have what I refer to as a flare up of my illness, making me hurt, tired to the point of delirium, and I guess a little cranky. But that's not why I'm up tonight.
Yes, my son is having his issues tonight, so I'm up with him because of that. His sister seems to be a day ahead of him in this illness crap and she was pretty much fine today so here's hoping the boy will be fine tomorrow. But what's making me have a hard time sleeping tonight is something new. 
I got a phone call from my mom today informing me that my dad has bladder cancer! I know, it's a shock huh? Well, it's really got my mind racing and if you know me, you know I already have an issue with thinking too much. My mind is going places tonight I definitely don't want it to go. I'm having thoughts that I never dreamed I'd have. You see, my dad is Superman! He's had his own health issues the last few years, and he's not the same man he was when I was growing up in reality. However, in my minds eye, I will always see him as the guy who could save me from anything that scared me. My dad and I don't have the closest of relationships for whatever reason, but I've always looked up to him for so many reasons, and while bladder cancer isn't a death sentence, just the thought that it could be is enough to make me think things I don't want to think. And yes, I put up a good front that I'm not worried, and that I know he will be fine, but...

A REALIZATION!
I realize how lucky I am. I've had both of my parents alive, married to each other, and close by for my entire life. While I don't think this is the end for him, just the mere thought of my dad not being there makes me shudder. I don't know if I'm the world's greatest dad, or even an average dad, but I know that I would be a lot worse at the job if my dad wasn't around. Like I said, I've always seen him as Superman, and I've always aspired to be just that for my kids, and it's hard to think of a world without him. So, that is why I am asking anyone who might happen to read my blog here to send prayers to my dad. He's strong, but even Superman needs help every now and then. The thing is, I don't know if I'm strong enough to live in a world without him.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a great night/day.  

The Return!

THE DISAPPEARANCE!
So, it has been almost three months since I've posted on my blog here in blog world, and I'm sure all of you have been waiting on pins and needles for my return.  I'm sure you are all wondering why I just stopped posting my amazingly brilliant blogs and my disappearance has saddened you all. Well, maybe nobody has been saddened by it, but I'll bet someone has been a little curious at least.  Well, I've got a fairly serious condition going on that is keeping me from blogging like I used to. I first mentioned being in pain here on my blog on November 15 of last year. I have gone to my family doctor about this condition, and he kind of pooh-pooed it and kept me on the pain meds that I was already on for my shoulder arthritis. Well, that didn't help at all. I happened to run into a friend of mine from high school who also had developed an auto-immune condition, and she recommended I see her doctor. Now, while I trust my family doc, he wasn't doing anything for me in terms of diagnosing the problem I had. He kept telling me that my blood work was normal so he couldn't treat me for anything even if I showed all the symptoms. Frustrating!

FINALLY A DIAGNOSIS!
I was able to get into my friend's doctor, and it has changed things for the better for me. This doctor specializes in cases like mine and was able to diagnose me with Auto-immune Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. Let me tell you, they both suck. These two illnesses combined are what has been keeping me from blogging like I would like. The thing is, it's not even the pain that stops me. It's the fatigue! A symptom of both conditions is extreme fatigue. I get so darn tired it's hard to function sometimes. There are days when I wake up in the morning that I'm not sure my legs are going to be able to hold me up. I usually did all of my blogging at night after the family had went to bed. Now, I'm so tired from being a SAHD(and we all know how tiring that can be) on top of the fatigue from my condition(s) that I absolutely have to go to bed at an early hour. So, that's why the blogging has fallen off. Plus, I don't want to put out a bunch of blogs that are basically me complaining about my condition. You don't want to hear that I'm sure. Plus, I'm tired of telling everyone about it.

SO WHAT'S NEXT?
I'm trying to figure that out myself. I am in the process of getting a disability claim started, but the most important question involves this blog. Am I going to to be able to blog on a daily(or semi-regularly) basis? I know that I want to, but I'm not going to make any promises to you, or to myself. I have good days and bad days with this condition and I know I won't be able to write on the bad days, and sometimes not on the good days. Today has been a decent day but just writing this much has hurt my hands and arms, as well as tiring me right out. So don't get your hopes up that I'm going to be super blogger(not that I ever was) and put out funny, insightful, thought provoking blogs all the time. You will have to take what you can get and like it! I hope you do enjoy reading what I do write, and it's good to kind of be back!