Parenting Rule #1!

My first decree!
CHILDREN ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GROW UP!!!
That's right, you read that correct. Children are no longer allowed to grow up, especially my children. And by grow up I mean they have to stay the age they are now, forever!

Why, you ask?
Well, I'll tell you why. Because from my own experience, the problems of children get more complicated as they get older. Right now it's actually pretty easy for me to break up any arguments between my kids over who owns the piece of crap plastic toy that they are fighting over. That's an easy one. Right now in life my kids rarely listen to what I have to say. I can deal with that when it comes to them not putting on their shoes when I tell them, or not sitting up to the table properly when I tell them, or when they won't stop fighting with each other when I tell them to, or when they just won't sit down while I'm trying to catch my breath from solving the last problem. I can deal with that, but what's going to happen when they won't listen to me when I tell them to be home by midnight? What's going to happen when they won't listen when I tell them I don't want them dating the person that they currently "love?" What's going to happen when I tell them to not use their cell phone(or whatever devise we have invented ten years from now)while they are driving and they don't listen? What's going to happen when I tell them to save their money and they don't listen, spend it foolishly, then come to me for money that I don't have? What's going to happen when I tell them to drive carefully, but they don't listen to me and get into an accident that hurts(or worse)them? You see, all of those instances come with consequences I can't deal with. I can't deal with the thought of my kids ever being hurt in any way right now, so I know that as they grow older and their decisions and problems become more complex and more difficult to solve, I have no way of helping them. I have a hard enough time keeping myself together as an adult, so I'm not sure I will be able to be a father to a grown child. That is why I, as the President/Grand Pooba, of all things parenting(at least in my own mind) have decreed that children are not allowed to grow up from this point forward!

Will they listen?
I doubt it because they haven't listened to anything I've said in the past, so why would they start now. However I have made the decree and new Parenting Rule #1 that they are no longer allowed to grow up!!! They are forever to stay at this age:

They look so amazing, but believe me the evil lies within!

  Do I even need to put this to a vote?
I have a feeling that most of you that are parents will agree 100% with me on my first new Parenting Law. I don't see why we even need to put this to a vote, but if you want to disagree with this new law, you are welcome to voice your opinions in the comments section. I will take your opinions under consideration, and then tell you why I am right and you are wrong. This is the most perfect law that has ever been thought of!
Good night, and I hope it's not raining to the point of needing an arc where you are like it is here!  

   

OH, IT'S ON!!!

TIME FOR A CHANGE!
I have been thinking about my blog here for a while now and how I've kind of let it slide. I haven't been as diligent about putting out interesting, and somewhat thoughtful blog posts. Yes, I've been sick/hurting a lot over the last few months, but the fact remains I've let my blogging responsibilities slide. I let myself get lazy about it, and that has got to stop. That's why I've come up with a new idea that will always(hopefully anyway) give me something interesting, and maybe a little funny, to write about.

THE LAW!
 Yes, that is right, I'm going to write about the law on a steady basis. Now before you all start groaning with disappointment, let me explain. I'm not going to write some stupid old boring blog about the legal system. I'm going to come up with a new law. The Law of Parenting!!! I am going to write as many new Parenting Laws as I can come up with for your reading pleasure. Of course, if you feel strongly enough about a law that you come up with, you are welcome to submit it. However, since I am the self-appointed judge/jury/president/grand pooba of this Parenting Law blog, I get final say as to weather your suggestion is enacted.
With that, I bid you a good night and wish you a restful nights sleep. You are going to need it as there will be lots of information for you to retain coming soon. Like tomorrow, so get ready. I mean it, get to bed so you can be ready for the first new law tomorrow. Go now!  

Coaching T-Ball!

Well, we are all still here!
After the scare we all had this weekend with the whole End of the World thing, it's good to be here typing this blog. I mean, I was "really" worried that the earth was going to open itself up and swallow us all whole! I thought for sure that I was out of time, and that I wasn't going to get to do all the things I wanted to do in life. Well, we are still around, and I plan on taking full advantage of my time here by doing something fun and amazing like...

COACHING T-BALL!!!

The beginning of a Hall of Fame career!

 That's right, I'm coaching T-Ball. I know that there have been other SAHDs who have claimed that they would never do such a thing, but I am having a blast. My daughter told me she wanted to play ball this year, and of course I trust no one else to coach her other than myself! The only thing is, I couldn't sign up to just coach Sydney. I had to coach an entire team! Well, I couldn't have been luckier with the team I was given. I have so many different personalities and I'm having so much fun getting to know all of them this season.

This is the T-Ball Champions of the World!

Some of the kids don't know a whole lot about playing ball, and it's all about having fun for them. I love that. When I played T-Ball as a kid, it was blood and guts, and I loved that! I mean we kept score, league standings, champions and even had an All-Star team(of course I made the All-Star team!) Either way is great, it's really about the kids having fun, and I really think I'm doing a good job making sure my team has a good time. I mean it's kind of funny to look over and see the little girl playing first base throwing her glove up in the air and catching it. Or the girl playing third base doing cartwheels out into left field, or the boy playing right field and the girl playing first base starting their own game of tag, but it's all good. As a die hard ball player all my life this has been so good for me. These kids are a little too young to be playing all out to win yet. That will come for them in the coming years, but until then it's all about having a blast.

ALTHOUGH...
While it's all about having fun for the kids and I, it still makes me puff up with pride when Sydney belts one off the T and it goes through the infield like a rocket and just keeps running through what would be an outfield and she ends up with what would be a HOME RUN!!! That's right, my little girl hit a home run tonight, and I was so proud of her. She has so much athletic ability that I can see at this point, but I'm not sure she really wants to be an athlete. She is a total princess, and says she wants to be a cheerleader. She looks like a ball player in her little uniform though, but if she doesn't want to play sports, I'll be okay with it. I want my daughter(and son of course) to be happy in what they do in life no matter what it is. However, it would make me so proud if they chose to play sports like Daddy did! I think my boy is going to play sports because he wants so bad to be a part of this team, and is even in our team picture, and gets so frustrated when he cant. He's just a little too young yet, but his day will come. 
I REALLY hope that the parents of the kids on my team think that I'm doing my job properly and that all the kids are having as much fun as I am with this. I know my writing has been a little choppy tonight, but it's because I keep thinking about all the kids on the team and how much I am TRULY LOVING THIS!!! 

That's right, she's my girl and she hit a HR tonight!

 

Things I want to do before the world ends today!

OMG, Is this really happening?
I've heard A LOT  of stuff the last couple of days about the world ending, and it really upsets me. There are so many things I want to do before the world ends, mostly just to say I've done it, but some of them are because I really WANT to. I've read a few articles on this here Internet thing that says there is supposed to be an earthquake around noon est. That gives me a little over two and a half hours to do the following.

1. Graduate from college with my BA.
    I'm only about a semester and a half away, so two hours should give me enough time to get it done.
2. Do some sort of workout.
    That way in whatever sort of afterlife that there is, I can say I was trying to get into shape when it all ended.
3. Learn to play an instrument.
    I have no knowledge how to play anything musical, and it would be nice to know how to play one.
4. Find out what the heck the creators of "Lost" were thinking with that ending!
    I mean really? What the heck was that whole thing about? I think they could have come up with better!
5. Get my son to stop pooping in his pants!!!
    He REFUSES to poop in the toilet, and I'm tired of changing a 3 year old's poopy pants!
6. Write a "Star Wars" movie that takes place between "Revenge of the Sith" and "Star Wars: A New Hope." 
     I think it would be a perfect place to introduce some characters(Han Solo as a kid) who were only in the original trilogy. There is so much story there that could be told, and I think I'm the perfect person to tell it!
7. Finish cleaning out our basement.
    I've been putting off cleaning it for way too long now!
8. Finish reading the three books that I'm currently reading.
    Not sure why I'm reading three at once, but I think this is self explanatory.
9. Take a nap!
    Well, I like naps, and I'm kind of tired right now, so...
10. Spend the final few minutes we have on Earth with my family.
      Again, kind of self explanatory. My family is more important to me than anything in the world, and if this is our last day alive, I want to go out looking at, and holding them.
11. Start writing my blog daily again.
      I really enjoy writing this, and lets face it, you REALLY enjoy reading my stuff!

The end is near!
With that, I wish you all good luck on this last day on Earth. Oh, that's right, today is only the beginning of the end of the world. We still have five months of natural disasters to live through before God ends it all. Also, I guess for all of this to happen you have to believe some guy who owns a lot of radio stations and has just generated a lot of PR for his company. 
I'll see you all tomorrow!

The Third Edition of Random Thoughts on a Saturday!

                                   I kind of HATE this guy!

Random Thoughts!

1. Why is it that when you want a callback from a customer service person they don't call, but when you least need a random call, it's RING RING?

2. I think that when the price of gas goes up, there should be an explanation as to why! Just random increases  seem completely unfair!

3. There isn't much worse than when your cable/Internet are down because you're cable provider(AT&T) sucks!

4. How is it possible that my wife and I have the same cell phone, but mine gets crappy signal in our house, but hers works perfect?

5. May is the best month of the year, by far! The weather is turning nice, there are all sorts of sports on TV, and I just love it!

6. I'm so glad my son, who turns three on Wednesday, is finally showing an interest in toys for boys! Because he has a big sister, it was common to see him walking around with a purse! That's all fine, but I like playing with trucks too!

7. I feel like I'm on the verge of something amazing!

8. Tomorrow is Mother's Day AND the seventh anniversary of my marriage to the most beautiful, amazing, tolerant woman in the world!

9. I think President Obama is being a p*ssy by not showing the pictures of bin Laden! I say we use it as a means of determent to other terrorists.

10. I don't remember the last time I had a Flav-o-ice! I used to love those as a kid!

11. One of my kids thinks burps and farts are hilarious! I bet you would be surprised to know it's my five year old daughter!

12. Is it bad that there are some days I can hardly move due to RA, but I still want to play golf as much as possible?

13. I think it's so cool that even though there are days that I can't move, and can't play with them, my kids still think I'm Superman!

14. My wife and I are going on our first date tonight in I don't even know how long! Dinner and then probably going to see "Thor."

15. I bought my wife a really cool present for Mother's Day/Anniversary, and my son told her what it was!

16. I think it's weird that I get so excited to see my son's poop in the toilet! He's making progress.

17. I hate having to shave. I wish there was some product that prevented facial hair on men so I wouldn't have to.

18. I wish I could work out without pain so I could make myself built like Alex O'loughlin from "Hawaii Five O." That way my wife would lust after me like she does him!

19. Where do they put the caffeine when they take it out of products?

20. I used to think I was the Incredible Hulk! Now every Halloween I tell people not to make me angry! I know, I'm a bit of a dork!

21. I think that some of the recent technological inventions that are out there are AMAZING!!! iPAP, come on, that's impossible right???

22. Sometimes I ramble on about nothing meaningful. Kind of like now!

I really hope you enjoy my random thoughts, and if you have any of your own, feel free to add them to the comments.

EVERYONE HAVE A GREAT MOTHER'S DAY WEEKEND!

I HATE the word "can't!!!"

My daughter says it all the time!
As the title of this post says, I HATE the word "can't." That's not to say that I haven't used the word, often, in my life. I have used the word as a cop out as to why I haven't done this or that in my life. I've put it in my mind that I "can't" do this or "can't" do that because of whatever circumstances I've decided that made whatever I was referring to impossible. I think it's fair to say most, if not all, people have used the word "can't" at some point in their life. I however, have used the word WAY more than necessary in my life. I've used physical reasons as to why I can't do things. I've used financial reasons as to why I can't do things. I've used lack of desire as a reason to use the word. You name it, I've used it as a reason to say "can't" and give up. And, now what really bothers me, is my little girl says the damn word ALL THE TIME!

Living through them.
I'll admit it, I want to live vicariously(good thing there is spell check because I'd have no chance to spell that word.) through my children. I don't mean that I want my kids to like the same things as I do(maybe a little) and do all the activities that I have. I don't want my son to play sports just because I did, and the same for my little girl. I want them to find things they love doing, and give their all at those things. Be it, school, sports, farming, dancing, music, underwater basket weaving, whatever they choose. But yes, I want to live through them. I want them to do what I never did. I want them to realize that the old saying "where there's a will, there's a way" is actually true. I want them to not make the same mistakes I have made. I want them to realize that if you really want something, you can make it happen with the right attitude and effort.
That is why when my daughter says "I CAN'T DO THIS!!!" it drives me bananas! Even when it's only about tying her shoe, or opening a package of gummies, or finishing a homework assignment(yes she gets homework even in pre-k!) I have been trying like heck to get that word out of her vocabulary right now! My thoughts are, if I can get her to stop using the word now, as she gets older she will have no use for the word. She will realize that anything is possible. 
She gets so darned frustrated sometimes, and that really frustrates me. She will be attempting to do something such as tying her shoe, and will be having a problem with it because she is just a little girl and sometimes little girls have problems tying  shoes. She will get so upset and yell that she can't do it. I have to remind her that the word "can't" is not to be used and that she just needs to take her time and think about what she's doing and then she will be able to do it. Ultimately she gets the shoe tied, or the package opened, or the Barbie dressed. So, I guess my approach on this is working. 
I think it's working because I'm like the WORLD'S GREATEST DAD!!! What do you think??? Maybe the reality is that I'm the WORLD'S MOST DELUSIONAL DAD!!! But that's okay as long as my kids learn they can do whatever they set their minds to!