Sydney & Denny

Sydney & Denny
September at the Park

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Am I doing the right thing?

Questioning my choice.
So events transpired today that have made me question weather I am doing the right thing with this whole SAHD thing. Have I made the right choice? Should I be out there working two jobs to support my family, not getting to see them ever? Should I have continued working at a job I hated, and that I was becoming increasingly unable to do due to my deteriorating health? I mean the fact is, I wouldn't be able to do my most recent job right now. If I had had to go into that store and do my normal duties, I would have been sent home due to not being able to do what was expected of me. My hands, hips, knees, wrists, elbows and shoulders were all gripped with pain for most of the day. Yet, I still ask myself if maybe I'm going about this the wrong way. Every day that my wife goes to work, I feel like it should be me leaving. I should be out there supporting my family. 
Issues for most SAHDs.
I have done quite a bit of reading about being a SAHD and a lot of times I read where SAHDs have this same issue that I do. I sometimes feel like less of a man because I stay at home, and my wife works. It doesn't help that I am not very mechanical, and my wife is. She is the one who fixes things, or puts things together in our house. So yeah, I question my manhood at times. I've got to believe that I'm not the only guy staying at home that does this right? Or, am I the freak?
Then I remember.
After I have those moments where I question my own manhood, I realize that there is really no set definition of manhood. I think a man does what he has to that is best for his family. My wife and I came the the decision for me to stay home together. We decided that it was better for us financially, better for my health, and better for our kids if I stayed home. I have to set these feelings that come up from time to time aside, and do what is now my job. I have to take care of my kids by providing for them here at home. I have to feed them(when they will actually eat) bath them, teach them manners, teach them right from wrong, play with them, referee their fights, and be the best father I know how. That's what I have to do, and it's what I'm going to continue to do no matter what some people might say. And, I'm going to do it better tomorrow than I did today. Every day.
I'm huge in Toledo!
I started this little blog about three months ago with the goal of using it as stress relief and possibly getting paid a little money some day. I knew that I would have to work hard to grow this blog to one that would be worthy of being paid for. I still have a LONG way to go to get to that point. It does appear that I have found a foothold in Toledo, Ohio though. Apparently there are people there that read my blog, and that makes me very happy. There are so many wonderful people in Toledo, and I truly loved living there for six years. It's a beautiful city and I encourage you to visit if you have never been there. If you get the chance, and like great food, take the time to visit JAlexanders on Talmadge Rd. It is amazing. I've went there a number of times with my wife, and sometimes with her family, and we have always had an amazing meal. 
So, I thank those of you in Toledo who are reading my blog and ask that you continue to do so. Maybe pass on the links to others so they too can enjoy my rants on being a SAHD!
With that, have a great night.       


  1. Don't question your choice. You said it best - "I think a man does what he has to that is best for his family.".

    There are argument for and against each side of the equation. I work (and work overtime shifts as a "part time" job) to provide for my family - but because of that, I am frequently not part of the family events...

    You (on the other hand) are home for those family events, and have to deal with the whole preconceived notion on what being a "father" is supposed to be...

    Well, I call Bee as in "B", Ess as in "S" on that whole thing.

    A FATHER DOES WHAT IS BEST FOR HIS FAMILY - and if that's what you are doing (being their for your children, preserving your health to be there for their future, and caring for them (no day care) for both the financial benefits, and the benefits to the kids) then you ARE doing the right thing!!

    My hats off to you sir!

  2. Bro, don't buy into society's view of what a man is supposed to be. It's that view that has gotten us where we are today. A nation full of kids who feel demoralized because their father is more interested in looking job in his boss's eyes than he does in his kid's eyes.

    As long as your wife and you are cool with your decision, then you need to keep doing what you're doing and anybody that doesn't agree with that can suck it!

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  4. I'd say the health issue is the trump card here. if you push yourself beyond your limits at work, you're no good to them or your family. at home, still you can't call in sick, but you have that luxury to throw in a DVD or scatter some blocks on the floor for the kids to entertain themselves.

    Who cares what other people think about your situation. They just see the surface and are making ignorant judgments.

    If it's better that YOU stay home instead of the wife, then God bless you.

  5. Thanks Eric. I have to agree with you that people who only see the surface make ignorant judgments. That is really profound for me right now. Thanks again.

  6. ChopperPapa, thanks you're exactly right. Too many kids don't know who their father is, even if they do live in the same house. Heck, our president is even doing TV commercials about being a good dad. I appreciate your comment, it really helps to reaffirm that I am doing the right thing.

  7. Father of Five, thank you for helping me with this. I do really enjoy the fact that I get to be around for EVERY single thing in my family's life. I get to go to my daughter's school Christmas party on Thursday that I would not get to be at if I wasn't a SAHD. It really helps to hear other people tell me that what I'm doing is okay. Thanks again.

  8. Luckily your not alone in many of the feelings you are facing as a stay at home dad. For almost two and a half years I have been a stay at home. The choice was made much by circumstances. I went through many periods of just being really hard on myself and feeling less of a man. It took time and some positive reassurance from outside sources to help turn the corner. I know financially there are a lot of things we have to hold back on. It's not for a lack of trying by applying to a countless number of jobs. But, while I'm here as a stay at home dad I'm giving my best. Some days are bummers other days are great. I do get to give my family time I otherwise would not be able to give. The efforts are reflected in the health and happiness in my child and wife. There will be a time when the situation changes but, you will always have the time and moments to look back on. This experience has made me a better man, husband and father and with the good, the bad and the ugly I'm thankful. One thing that has helped in those moments I need to relate to other stay home dad's is just exchanging an email or chat. Also, just taking time to do something for myself. Often while my daughter was napping I would take some time to workout to burn off the frustration. Well my apologies about the long comment. I wish you the best and if you ever need to reach out feel free to email me.

  9. Yeah, don't question your choice -- I agree with that feeling. I had someone ask me once "So, What do you do?" I replied, "I'm Keith Wilcox, and I enjoy my life." There's not much else to say. What if I asked someone "So, What do you Do?" and they respond, "I'm an accountant, and I do tax forms all day and then go home for a few hours before repeating the same thing the following day." An accountant can love his job and be personally fulfilled by doing it, but so too can a SAHD. There's no difference. It's just a matter of what gets you by and how satisfied you are with it. Accountant, stay at home dad -- same thing. Don't ever feel like less just because other people want to put you in that box. That's them, not you.

  10. I just stumbled across your blog from the daddy files :)

    My dad was a SAHD for the first three months of my life, and that was back in 1979 when he was DEFINITELY the exception to the rule. Over the years he was often working from home and looking after me.

    As a result, we are *incredibly* close, I just love him to bits. We go grocery shopping together and meet for lunch during the week. Being a SAHD is a great thing, I think, and years from now you'll be super close to your kids because of it.