She seems to be very curious.
Tomorrow my wife and I are going to travel to Ohio in order to attend a funeral for her aunt. We all know that funerals basically suck. No one likes having to attend a funeral, especially when you were close with the person who has passed. However what is making this particular passing hard is trying to explain it to my little girl. As I have mentioned many times in my blog, Sydney is only 5. I really think it's too soon to try and explain to her what death means. But, I also don't really like the idea of being less than honest with her. We have a wall that has pictures of my two grandmothers and one of Stacy's grandmothers. All three of them have passed, and all passed since Sydney was born. She was too young to really remember any of them. However, she does have some memories of two of them. And, all three pictures are of her sitting on the laps of our grandmothers. She sees the pictures every single day, and often asks about the ladies she sees. I've tried really hard to put it in terms that she can understand, but it's really hard. I told her that all of them have died, and of course I got "What does 'died' mean?" I basically explained as "they got old and sick and went to heaven to rest." I thought at the moment that it was the best way to go about explaining it. She asked me if I was sad when it happened. I was dumbfounded that my five year old was asking such a grown-up question. I had to explain to her that when each lady passed it made Daddy so sad that he cried. Well, she doesn't see her Daddy cry so of course it brought up another question that floored me. "Daddy will you be sad when I die?"
I'm pretty sure she didn't get the fact that Daddy is going to get older and die someday as well. I think she thinks Daddy is Superman, and well she should. That's how a little girl is supposed to see her Daddy. Well, I had to tell her that first of all, she isn't going to die. She's not allowed to. And, I had to tell her that if something ever happened to her and she died, Daddy would be more than just sad. I tried to tell her that if anything ever happened to her, it would probably be the end of her Daddy as well. I just don't know how to explain the whole concept to her at this point. I think this is one of those times where I'm lost as a parent.
Earlier today I explained to her that she wouldn't be going to school tomorrow and was staying with my parents for the day. She asked me why and I blurted out that Mommy and Daddy had to go to a funeral. I'm sure you can guess what her next question was. I told her that it was "a ceremony people have when someone dies." It was the best I could come up with at the moment.
Now I feel horrible.
I've been thinking about it, and I feel like I've swung and missed as a father in this matter. I feel horrible that I've even introduced her to this subject. I think five is too young to have to know anything about death. I wish I had never even told her what dieing meant. I want so bad to shield her from hurt and anything bad, even though I know I won't be able to forever. I just wish I had waited until she was a little older. But, what's the right age for this subject? I would hate for something to happen to Stacy or I and her(and her brother) have to learn the hard way. Does anyone have any ideas on how to handle this? Really, if you have any ideas or suggestions I'd love to hear them because I feel as though I have totally failed as a parent with this one.
A missed paragraph.
Completely changing the subject now. In my last post an entire paragraph was cut off for some reason. This is the second or third time it has happened, and I'm not sure why. I'm not sure if it's something I have done, or something that has occurred due to Blogger, but I really apologize. I think I'm going to start taking safeguards to prevent it from happening. That might me a good idea huh? Maybe I should actually pay attention to things that I attaching my name to!
Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope you don't have to deal with what I have had to. Hope you have a great day.