Alone time.
When I was a single man, I longed for the day when I would be married and have kids. I was lonely all the time. I wasn't the type of guy who went out and partied a lot. I was always kind of a loner in my own right. I always liked to sit and watch my games by myself. I liked to sit and read quietly. I always liked to sit at the table and eat a meal by myself while reading the paper, or a book. And even though I like to do all of those things by myself, I absolutely longed for, yearned for, a woman that I could start a family with. Well, from just the title of the blog, you know that I found the perfect woman. And I mean PERFECT. All you guys out there who think you have the perfect woman, think again. My wife is, and I'll say it again, PERFECT! She gave me two amazing kids, and now I no longer have to be alone. DAMN! What was I thinking?
I didn't know!
I didn't realize that once you have kids, and especially when you're a SAHD, you NEVER get alone time. For example, today I got up and by the pure stroke of luck, the kids were still sleeping. I kissed Stacy goodbye as she left for work, and settled in at the table for my breakfast with the latest issue of Sports Illustrated. It was pure silence. The dog wasn't even up yet. I started reading an article and eating, and I swear I hadn't read the first paragraph, or swallowed my first bite of Eggo's when I heard Denny's very recognizable steps as he came downstairs. As any parent knows, he needed my attention immediately, and my alone time was over. For the next, oh 14 hours, I was never more than 2 or 3 steps from one or both of my kids. I love my kids more than I can even explain, but COME ON MAN!!! It gets a little redundant when the most grownup conversation you have is with your five year old about why she needs to change her underwear every day. I chose to be a parent, and I chose to be a SAHD. And, I love both of those titles immensely. I just would like a little peace and quiet from time to time.
My wife does understand!
Like I said, my wife is perfect. She knows that being with just the kids all the time gets a little stressful. She gets it. That's why last Saturday she came home from work and rounded up the kids and took them with her shopping. I got to stay home and watch my Duke Blue Devils play basketball. It was amazing. I sat in my chair for about two hours and watched the game. I didn't have to break up any fights, change any pull-ups, pull my son down from some high up perch he's not supposed to be on, take any objects they are not supposed to have away from them, kiss any boo boos, read any stories, watch any Disney movies, teach them any life skills, pretend to be a horse, or tell them that their art work is fantastic. Just pure alone time with my basketball game. Damn, I missed my wife and kids!
Be careful what you wish for.
Every single day I wish for just five minutes alone to just sit and not do anything. And most every day, I don't get that. And, I'm so glad I don't. I was miserable as a single man, and now I'm happy. I don't need alone time, I need my wife and kids.
I really hope you get the moral of my little blog tonight and that you have a great day.
Thanks for reading.
Nice post, and oh can I relate. I haven't watched a live soccer game from start to finish since 2005. And even though I occasionally bemoan the fact that I have no alone time (which I love), I wouldn't change it. And I do realize that someday they won't want to be hanging around with me and try to keep that in my head when things get crazy. This, too, shall pass as they become more independent. I see it already in my 7 year old girl, who is now having sleepovers and playdates without her parents. Her friends are becoming more important to her than her parents, and I find myself occasionally missing the times when she had/demanded my full undivided attention.
ReplyDeleteIf you can make time for silence, even if it means getting up 20 minutes earlier, while its still dark outside, and all you want to do is crawl back in bed, you will never, ever, regret it.
ReplyDeleteI have always felt this way about my kids too. Ocassionally my husband would gather up the kids so I could have a little alone time, but before they left the house I was dressed and ready to go with them. I definitely prefer being with the family over time alone.
ReplyDeleteNow, my kids are 12 and 14. We homeschool so we are still together a lot. However, as they get older and more independent you suddenly realize oneday that you have sat for an hour without being interrupted. It is then that you realize how short of time you have with them little and there will always be plenty of alone time in your future. Enjoy the kids now!
I chose to have two kids, I know that, but still there are times when I'm so happy to get five minutes alone in the bathroom. And after they go to bed, there are nights when I just sigh in relief because for a while--there is no one touching me. But I love the spontaneous hugs, attack hugs and the snuggles of little boys. Guess that's why I had two of them.
ReplyDeleteI wake up early for free time. It drives me nuts sometimes to get so little peace, but I agree with you that the good far outweighs the bad. Having kids is a blessing even though they can be a bunch of obnoxious turds :-)
ReplyDeleteKeith, I stay up too late to get up early. I guess staying up late to blog is my time away from the turds!
ReplyDeleteVandy, you're right about the hugs and snuggles, I miss them when I do actually get some time to myself.
Love it! but you forgot about just wanting to do a very simple thing like using the toilet alone. My kids will barge right in on Sean or I. Locking the door??? they will pound on the door repeatedly, shove things underneath the door and wanna know what are ya doing?? You are not a selfish parent, and I understand exaactly what you are going through. hang tough Denny. Angela McPherson
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